when will i wear it again?

*i'll miss being a coassisstant...

it's on the 2nd week of april 2007, if i'm not mistaken, when i came anxiously to the sardjito hospital as a new coassisstant for the first time. my thought was strangled with many kind of questions; will i able to pass this phase? will i do something wrong? will i accidentally messed up? will my patients be okay? will i get along with my new friends in the  group? will they accept me? will i be an individual or not? will everything be alright?? ...and at that  time, i was too afraid to answer all of those questions.

internal medicine was my first rotation, and as far as i can remember i've never been so diligent as when i was in this department; in my first week, when i was still a newbie knowing nothing and seemed to be lost in the middle of nowhere, i was assigned to assist a resident with the most patient counts in the ward, always more than 10 patients, and i'm alone! whereas some of my friends are lucky enough to be paired with fewer patient than mine!! T.T so there i am, the newbie, anxiously wake up every 4am--yeah, believe me, i was extremely too diligent at that time--to take bath, skipping breakfast, and drive away to the hospital, arrived at around 5.15am-5.30am carrying a heavy daily bag filled with some notes and internal med books, a hand-carry bag of a standard mercury sphygmomanometer, and not forgetting a small pink sling bag filled with a penlight, both digital and mercury thermometers, and a measuring tape. stethoscope? hanging on my neck ^^ i'm such an over-excited newbie anyway, apart that somehow i kinda want to be an internist someday regarding my mom's hidden illness that can't be cured up to this second, actually i really like studying internal meds. it's fascinating, in short. and still it is to me til now...

then the rotation went on and on... public health medicine and ear-nose-throat came shortly, followed by primary health care, dermatovenerology and psychiatry. together with 3 nurse coassisstants, we're spending 6 weeks in a primary health care in an outskirt-area of jogja. it was such a twilight for me, for being happy and unhappy. happy to face the patients as a "temporary real" doctor, and unhappy to know the reality of this country's medical facilities... like using some kind of drugs that actually had been banned? and a poor child with thalassemia who lived in such an unproper house and unable to afford any medications. i just can't help my tears from falling... T.T back then in my final year of undergrad, i did my thesis in dermatovenereology department, it's about keloid, a supposedly-to-be-simple biomolecular experiment using ultraviolet light, but i ended up in more than 12 months to finished it. frustrating, i've to confess, but that was the first time i found out that dermatovenereology attracts me. well... not until i get into the real rotation. some pros and cons happened in me when i was in the real set, and, yes, it disappoints me... and psychiatry?? nothing special, for the clinical part itself, but in the other part, the so-called-newly-formed-friendship had just getting stronger and better; as if our life were stopped around restaurants to eat and any comfortable desks to play poker--and, hey, i once played poker while i'm driving to a satellite hospital, y'know?? hahaha--plus a special thing for me to reminisce and again for my long-lasting i-know-it-and-i-can-do-it attitude: i drive myself and 3 friends to banyumas and back home, without changing driver. ooh i just love how it feels!

then obsgyn came, a nightmare for coassisstants that have been a legend for decades. and it happens to me. spending my 2 weeks out of total 8 weeks of the rotation in klaten, i lost my weight from 46 to 43-44 kgs. and for the first time of my life, me, who always been a food-eater and awarded by my dad as a "small-motorized-vehicle-with-double-decker-bus-capacity", or in indonesian language: "bemo muatan bis tingkat"--yeah, i eat more than you thought if you saw my figure ;p--but at that time, i craved for sleep more than for eat!! apart that i always amaze witnessing every second of the laboring process, it was a real tiring rotation. so no, i don't wanna be an obsgyn. no-uh.

having surgery rotation after obsgyn was such a heaven. thank God, i'm lucky enough for being created as female, regarding those 95% of surgery residents were male--if you got what i mean ;)--and having a killer urologist as my examiner was not a real problem, at all ;) ;) ;)

pediatric was supposedly another nightmare besides obsgyn, but spending 4 weeks in klaten was a real fun, and definitely not a nightmare like obsgyn. the pediatricians are nice and kind, especially our tutor, like i wrote before in here. i never know how it feels to have a grandfather, and i really want him as mine if i could :)

ophthalmology and neurology were another "heavenly" rotations. but not with anesthesiology after that. it was horrible horrible horrible. and waaaaay more tiring than obsgyn, well... imagine that, just like i wrote here. but radiology and forensic became such a happily-ever-after ending for my clinical rotation. it was fun, it wasn't tiring at all, and together with my sisterhood and brotherhood of kero gang--beware of it!--and culinary team, i've finished that 20-months-most-important-phase-of-my-life. i'll miss the hospital. i'll miss the patients. i'll miss all the rush happens. i'll miss all the troubles. i'll miss the night duty. i'll miss the canteens. i'll miss the smell of the public ward. i'll miss the freezing operating room. i'll miss the green and blue uniform. i'll miss the bedside study. i'll miss being "disappear" between working hours.

i'll miss being a coassisstant.

i really will.

 
 

i just got my car being hit by a public bus commonly called "kopata". i was in a junction of dentistry faculty and the west gate of grha sabha pramana, it was red light clearly seen in the left, with a motorcycle in front of me which already stopped, my car in behind, and a blue taxi in my right side. i was already stopped for about 5 secs--yeah, i still have a great visus, and i do saw the red light--before there was a loud crash sound which immediately pushed my car to the front and hit the motorcycle. well i am shocked, extremely shocked.

i looked behind, and saw that ugly kopata bus had crashed my car, completely break my back window, and got my back door and spare tyre dented inside. well it was horrible, extremely horrible. three of us--me, the motorcycle, and the taxi driver--were just speechless, until we decided to go to the nearest police office, hoping to get all the things settled immediately. but the most important thing that makes me sooooo extremely angry, is that the fucking-bastard-asshole-son-of-a-bitch driver never said the words "i'm sorry" to each one of us. til at around 3pm when the long-waited boss of the kopata driver was confirmed that he couldn't come to take in responsibility for his silly-n-oh-so-stupid driver and the police decided to have us gather back there the next noon to finish all the business.

after the police gave us all the paper with all our phone numbers written there and a yellow paper as a receipt that all our vehicles and definitive papers will be stayed in the police office until all the probs are done, i shake hands with all the police officers, thanked them for their helpful attitude, and just after that, the driver shake my hand too, but, notice this, without even saw me right in my eye and said "sorry" like what i expected before. such a hell attitude from a hellish driver!!

hahahaha... we'll see, i too could have myself act helly cruel facing him and his dearie boss in the upcoming gathering. as my most favourite quote forever and ever; "looks could be deceptive". so you'd better watch yourself out, if you ever bite me even in my fingertip again, dear all bastard bus drivers out there... >;)

 
 

*taken from my current friendster shoutout

on monday 17112008 i entered my last stage of clinical rotation, ta-da!! it's forensic for dessert! where i've to be ready on-call if there's any sudden autopsy even in the midnite. oh yeah, that part was sucks... >:p

i thought we'll have our first autopsy on tuesday or wednesday, but "fortunately" we had it sooner: on 17112008. oh yeah, instead of the second or third day, we had it on our first day, at 6pm, and straight to outer-inner autopsy for a murdered victim, not just an outer autopsy. oh yeah, it was soooo "great", wasn't it?? and the best part is, i was the "lucky" one getting the jackpot to be the first protocol, the one who's duty is to write down all, i mean all the result of the autopsy, from the outer to the inner, from every part of the body, from every single organ, continued to the laboratory examination result and the conclusion. oh yeah, that's awesome... since the autopsy itself had made us home at 11pm, but i've to report my work the next morning--ou dear, poor my hand...--and i'm successfully having a 3-hours-sleep only, started at 4am, after i finished that f*ck*ng 8 pages report, and don't forget... it's hand-written of course. oh yeeeeaaaaah...

and just last nite, thursday, 20112008, at around 11.30pm, there was an on-call-autopsy, again. when i thought it was a stupid boy having an accident for not wearing helmet while racing on his motorcycle with his stupid friends, the cadaver surprisingly was an unknown formerly death, with that "kinda" smell--i just can't explain how does it smell here, but trust me, there's a 50% probability you'll have a sudden-right-away puke if you smell it--which made us all put some coffee powder inbetween our doubled-or-even-tripled masks, some of us even sprinkled our masks with fragrance oil, including me. but not just the smell, the cadaver itself is a rotten one, with maggots maggots maggots here and there and here and there and eeeeeeverywhere all over the body. the scalp even already peeled off til just a tip above the ear and almost all side of the forehead, so we actually could saw the upper part of the cranium, with its suture at the vertex, "accessorized" with those chubby maggots comin' in and out.  oh yeaaaah again... and may god bless the abductor and his assistants ;)

seemed it will be a very unforgettable last stage in our coassistency period. pretty sure, it will...

ooooh yeeeeeaaahhh!!

 
 

*talking 'bout prince charming...

i bet most of the girls in the world must have been dreamed about her own prince charming. y'know... that kinda handsome-looking-gentleman, with flowing red robe, holding a shiny sword carved with gold, riding on the horseback through the greeny savana, to take the princess--that's me, or us, the girls, literally ;p--away and live happily ever after in a castle upon the hill. hahaha go on, laugh on me! but i never exactly stop dreaming about my own prince charming since i started to watch walt disney's "snow white" at age 3. that's why i always dreamed on my prince to be exactly like that; dark brown hair, brown eyes, with red robe and riding a horse--well, for the horse, i prefer the brown rather the white one. remember the prince charming in "shrek"?? sooo no, it's a big no no! >,<


yesterday, 15112008, when i was sat lazily in front of the tv screen and played with the remote, i found out that "the chronicles of narnia: the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe" was aired in disney channel. i passed the first 30 minutes, i guess... but that's ok. it's still worth to be watched and i'm so eager for it! ...and there they are, the pevensie children; peter, edmund, susan, and lucy. edmund, the third, was the center of the story, for he (almost) betrayed on his own siblings and lead them to the witch. he's still a boy in this movie, but if u've seen the "prince caspian"... dang! edmund pevensie is sooo close to my definition of prince charming--of my own, of course. here are some pics and cutscenes from "prince caspian". isn't he handsome, cool, but looked warm at the same time? and that straight-looking eyes! @.@ aaahh... i wish i was teenager once again ^^

my prince charming

an astounding dual-sword knight

yet a magnificent cross-bow archer too

unfortunately, prince charming didn't exist in real world. yeah, of course... there'll be no men wandering around with sword, robe, and horse like that. they'll drive fancy cars instead, ain't it right?? ;p but however, keeping a childhood dream like this helped me out to "breathe" for a while between my hectic thingies happened in my real life. even just for a sec, it always turns my lips to smile. and even though i've found someone--hopefully, my heartkeeper, my soulmate for ever and after--i chosed to be with in the upcoming wedded bliss, which isn't even similar with my prince charming, i won't ever stopped dreaming about it.

 
lovely zanessa 11/13/2008
 

last monday, 10112008, i watched the "high school musical 3: senior year" movie, since i never let myself absent watched the previous 2 of the trilogy, then the last one is a must ;) it was really nice seeing troy and gabriella sing and dance throughout the movie again, they're such a cute couple--in reality too! uugh i envy vanessa for this!!--and i have to admit: i always sighed each time i watched the trilogy.

for i didn't have such a wonderful 3-years-highschool moments like those wildcats...

to have that many counts of friends--real friends, not just-friends--with all the precious moments and memories to be remembered later. but it was already 5 years ago anyway ;p


my favorite song from the last trilogy is "can i have this dance?". the pictures below are the scenes when they were dance in waltz rhythm on the school rooftop, and in the end rain was poured down all over... cute!! ^^

[gabriella]
take my hand, take a breath
pull me close and take one step

keep your eyes locked on mine,

and let the music be your guide.


[troy, gabriella]
won't you promise me (now won't you promise me, that you'll never forget) we'll keep dancing (to keep dancing) wherever we go next

(chorus)
it's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
it's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do

and with every step together, we just keep on getting better

so can i have this dance (can i have this dance)

can i have this dance


[troy]
take my hand, i'll take the lead
and every turn will be safe with me

don't be afraid, afraid to fall

you know i'll catch you through it all


[troy, gabriella]
and you can't keep us apart (even a thousand miles, can't keep us apart) 'cause my heart is (cause my heart is) wherever you are

(chorus)
it's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
it's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do

and with every step together, we just keep on getting better

so can i have this dance (can i have this dance)

can i have this dance


[gabriella, troy]
oh no mountains too high enough, oceans too wide
'cause together or not, our dance won't stop

let it rain, let it pour

what we have is worth fighting for

you know i believe, that we were meant to be


(chorus)
it's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you (like you)
it's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do (way we do)

and with every step together, we just keep on getting better

so can i have this dance (can i have this dance)

can i have this dance


can i have this dance
can i have this dance

 
 

these are just snaps taken by my cellphone cam on november 8th, but believe me, the reality is much more worse than these...

the storm ruining the radiology departement, leaving holes on the old building roof, and it was flooded inside, shut down the electricity and power supply, thus damaging all the high-tech stuffs inside including the old ct-scan... T.T no wonder my exam was postponed!

some falling trees in faculty of medicine

featuring miss hutchu on the borderline street between faculty of science and faculty of medicine, i wonder why does she smile happily like that (?.?)

grha sabha pramana seemed to be the center of the storm, regarding all those old used-to-be-cool-and-lovely big trees are falling here and there

it damages the mandiri bank and a house beside it too

poor kopma ugm T.T

it must be such a strong wind to blows a tree from the top til its roots!

notice that the colonel sander's cup and titi kamal's mi sedap are gone

featuring miss hutchu again, with falling trees along the mainstreet in bunderan ugm as the background

one of the intern gate

it even blows my all-time-favorite antique red street lamp T.T